Posts tagged “Train

The 2012 “Listen Up!” Awards: The Triumphant Return of the Harleys

Time really flies, doesn’t it? It feels like only yesterday that I was writing my year-end Harley Awards post, when in fact it was around 367 days ago. As I write this we have exactly a month left before the end of the Mayan calendar, which everyone has apparently equated with the end of the world. Why doesn’t the human race ever learn that we are incapable of predicting the apocalypse? Every time people have thought doomsday was upon us, absolutely nothing happened and we all carried on with business as usual. So you might not want to quit your job and spend all the money in your savings account on a bomb shelter under the assumption that your life is about to become a Roland Emmerich movie.

Anyway, as 2012 is approaching its conclusion, it’s time once again for me to celebrate achievements in totally arbitrary categories that I made up myself. In other words, it’s just another typical awards show. It’s time to bring on the 2012 Harleys!

As always, the fun begins after the jump.

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The Search for the Song of the Summer

Every summer is often defined by that one massive pop hit, that one song that so thoroughly dominates the airwaves that it will lurk in your memories of that summer for years to come whether you like it or not. And as much as I would love for the Radioheads and My Morning Jackets and Minus The Bears of the world to dominate the summer with a monster hit, I’ve accepted that it’ll probably never happen. Not unless I one day gain the power to reshape mainstream culture to fit my own taste. There’s probably an X-Men character who can do that.

Last year the title was pretty much handed to Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” the instant it was released. This left me to wonder if I was the only person on Earth who realized that “California Gurls” was a blatant rewrite of Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok,” a song that already irritated the crap out of me the first time around. Hell, I still have memories of being the only kid alive in 1996 who didn’t want to learn the stupid Macarena. And if I ever hear “Livin’ La Vida Loca” or “All Star” again, it will be too soon. I guess the lesson is that no matter what the song of the summer ends up being, by the end of that summer simply hearing the first new notes of that damn song will be enough to drive you utterly mad.

So with the summer of 2011 officially underway, let’s take a look at some randomly chosen contenders from this week’s Hot 100. The fun begins after the jump!

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Top 5 Favorite Driving Songs

Everyone’s got songs that they love listening to while driving their cars. The music brightens your mood and makes you want to sing along. It’s something fun to do between stopping at that stupid red light that always catches you while you’re in a hurry and cussing out the jackass who just cut you off so he could drive under the damn speed limit even though there’s nobody behind you for about half a mile. And you’d better enjoy it while it lasts because once you get to work the only station you’ll be listening to all day will be the soft-rock/adult contemporary station that plays “Hey, Soul Sister” by Train three times an hour.

In other cases, the music is full of fast-paced rhythms and heavy riffage that makes your adrenaline start to flow, and you start thrashing the steering wheel all around, driving like a maniac… WHIPLASH!

…I’m sorry, that wasn’t very funny. See, if you start driving like a maniac, it puts you at risk to hit a telephone pole or something, and then your head will jerk backwards and you might actually get whiplash. Or at least that was a problem before they started putting those headrests on the front seats. Well, the whiplash part, anyway. I’m pretty sure maniacs crashing into stuff is still an issue.

So now I’m gonna hit you with a couple honorable mentions, and then the top 5 will follow after the jump.

HONORABLE MENTION #1:

Queens Of The Stone Age, “Go With The Flow”

HONORABLE MENTION #2:

Muse, “Knights Of Cydonia”

(Incidentally, these songs also happen to have two of the coolest music videos ever made. Coincidence, or part of something greater? … It’s a coincidence.)

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Oh my God, I’M BACK! (And with a 2011 Grammy preview)

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. In the words of that one guy from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I’m not dead yet. I feel fine. I think I’ll go for a walk! I feel happy, I feel happy — *gets knocked out with a stick*


So where have I been for, like, all of 2010? Looking for jobs, mostly (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SOMEBODY HIRE ME, I PROMISE I’LL BE GOOD AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER), and also writing and recording my own songs just for fun. I might even share them on the Internet someday after I get over my crippling lack of self-confidence! Hooray for me!

Anyway, the 2011 Grammy nominees were announced recently and this gave me inspiration to make my long-awaited, much-anticipated (by absolutely nobody) return to the blogosphere. Of course, this isn’t a complete Grammy preview — I mean, there are 109 different categories and I’d have to be crazy to cover them all. This isn’t even a complete preview of all the awards people actually care about, just the ones I was able to write about in an entertaining fashion.

The Listen Up! 2011 Grammy Awards That You Care About And That I Was Also Able To Make Jokes About Preview continues after the jump!

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