Posts tagged “The Offspring

The 2012 “Listen Up!” Awards: The Triumphant Return of the Harleys

Time really flies, doesn’t it? It feels like only yesterday that I was writing my year-end Harley Awards post, when in fact it was around 367 days ago. As I write this we have exactly a month left before the end of the Mayan calendar, which everyone has apparently equated with the end of the world. Why doesn’t the human race ever learn that we are incapable of predicting the apocalypse? Every time people have thought doomsday was upon us, absolutely nothing happened and we all carried on with business as usual. So you might not want to quit your job and spend all the money in your savings account on a bomb shelter under the assumption that your life is about to become a Roland Emmerich movie.

Anyway, as 2012 is approaching its conclusion, it’s time once again for me to celebrate achievements in totally arbitrary categories that I made up myself. In other words, it’s just another typical awards show. It’s time to bring on the 2012 Harleys!

As always, the fun begins after the jump.

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ENJOY THE GENIUS 9: Keep Your Day Job

My friend’s got a boyfriend. Man, she hates that dick. She tells me every day. He wants more dinero just to stay at home! Well, my friend, you’ve got to say, “I won’t pay, I won’t pay ya — no way-ay-ay-ay! Na-na, why don’t you ENJOY THE GENIUS?”

That’s right, ENJOY THE GENIUS is finally back, mainly because I’ve been saving my other big ETG idea for the 10th-episode special.

Nowadays, just as I posited with the title of the last installment of ENJOY THE GENIUS, anyone can get a record deal. It doesn’t really matter if you can sing or not, especially not in the age of AutoTune and “famous for being famous,” whatever the hell that means. All you really need is to either get enough Myspace friends or already be rich and/or famous, and you’re good to go. This is why people like Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton have been allowed to release albums despite never actually displaying anything resembling musical talent beforehand. And now that the Disney Channel is basically a teen-pop factory, young actors and actresses are more able to flood the airwaves with forgettable pop music than ever before!

But it’s not like this is the first time Hollywood has infiltrated other forms of showbiz. Back in the day, movie stars used to sing in their films all the time. Actors knew how to play instruments too. Hell, Harpo Marx only spoke one line of dialogue in his entire film career, but he could still play the shit out of the harp.

Still, just because Judy Garland and Gene Kelly could sing their hearts out doesn’t mean every A-list actor or actress who wanted to branch out into music could pull it off. And today, we’re going to take a look at some movie stars who probably should have stuck with their day jobs… along with one wannabe musical act so incredibly ridiculous that it took the combined efforts of the Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd to mock it properly.

The fun begins, as always, after the jump!

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