Posts tagged “the economy

I’ve Run Out Of Economy Jokes

…But I still have money with which I add music to my ever-expanding collection!

Yesterday I read an Associated Press article that said the economic recession may finally be over. I would have linked to it here and made a joke about how I’ve saved the economy by buying music, allowing me to bask in a wonderful I-told-you-so moment, but now I can’t find the article anywhere. Figures.

As always, here’s a list of music I’ve recently acquired. And some other stuff I look forward to acquiring as well. The list, along with additional commentary and whatnot, after the jump.

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Singing For Your Supper

So I’m sure you guys have all heard about this by now, but recently a woman from Minnesota was fined $1.9 million for downloading music when a court ruled in favor of the RIAA. How many songs, you ask? Surely in order for someone to get that huge a fine they must have been a pretty hardcore file sharer or downloader. We’re talking hundreds, maybe even thousands of songs here, right?

Try 24. As in, two dozen. The number of hours in a day. The real name of that show I like to call the Jack Bauer Power Hour. The Number 23 plus one. Two sets of 12 Angry Men. Kobe Bryant’s new uniform number.

So for every song this woman downloaded, she was charged about $80,000. God, what was she thinking? She could have bought 80,000 songs on iTunes for the price of one song she downloaded.

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ENJOY THE GENIUS 8: Anyone Can Get A Record Deal

And if the world does turn, and if London burns, I’ll be standing on the beach with my guitar. I want to be in a band when I get to heaven. Anyone can ENJOY THE GENIUS and there won’t be nothing anymore…

You know, my mom’s been on my case lately about getting a haircut. What she doesn’t understand is that if I grow my hair, then maybe I could become Jim Morrison…

FAT! UGLY! DEAD!

So it’s been a while since the last installment of ENJOY THE GENIUS, a post that remains the most popular on this site by a ridiculously lopsided margin — it’s at 264 views as I write this and no other post on this blog has reached the century mark yet. I attribute all of the success of ETG7 to my remarkable writing skills and promotional savvy and not to that picture of Keeley Hazell that I linked to as a joke. I mean, I posted links to five or six girl pictures in one of my more recent posts and that hasn’t racked up nearly as many hits! It MUST be my writing!

So what have we learned today? Never underestimate the power of boobs. And also that Thom Yorke used to have the same hairdo as my Spanish teacher from my freshman year of high school. (To help you make sense of this comparison, this one guy I know once referred to her as “the dead Barbie.”)

Dear Mr. Yorke: I am so very, very sorry if this image brings back painful memories. Im sure youre just as surprised as I am that once upon a time people thought piss-colored hair was cool.

Dear Mr. Yorke: I am very, very sorry if this image brings back any painful memories. I'm sure you're just as regretful as everyone else that back in 1993 people actually used to think that piss-colored hair was cool. Can't wait for LP8! Sincerely, Colin.

Anyway, this edition of ENJOY THE GENIUS will focus on artists that I can’t believe actually have record deals, as evidenced by the title. In other words, it’s a typical ENJOY THE GENIUS post. And despite what my recent posting history will suggest, you won’t find anything about Soulja Boy or the Jonas Brothers here. No, they’re pretty easy targets. I’ll dig a little deeper this time… but not too much deeper than usual.

Prepare to be depressed, undiscovered musical geniuses of the world, because these people have (or had) record deals and you probably never will. The fun continues after the jump!

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Capitalism at its finest

“Capitalism has made it this way — old-fashioned fascism will TAKE IT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!”

— Marilyn Manson, “The Beautiful People”

I’m going to be pretty busy this week (two papers due Tuesday, a final exam paper due Friday, another final exam paper due Monday) so I won’t be able to update this blog as much as I would like. And you know what that means — it’s time for another filler post about music I’ve recently added to my collection. Like I said the last time I wrote a post like this, buying music will save the economy.

Trust me on this. I took a course in microeconomics back in my freshman year here at the University of Maryland and got a B. I know what I’m talking about. I’m totally qualified to discuss resolutions to the current economic crisis. If the 24-hour news networks ever stop panicking about swine flu and get back to panicking about the economy, I’m available for interviews. Now if I could just find my lecture notes from that class, I’d really be in business!

Hey, look at that! I made a pun! EVERYONE LAUGH AT MY CLEVER PUN! Otherwise I will be more depressed than I was earlier today when I found out that Megan Fox has no interest in guys under the age of 30. (She’s the girl from Michael Bay’s kind of crappy Transformers movie who made out with Shia “I Should Legally Change My Name To Oedipus” LaBeouf on top of that Camaro.)

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Buying music will save the economy

…And I’m doing my part. Here’s a list of albums I’ve added to my collection this semester just to show you all that I haven’t forgotten about this blog.

Mastodon: Crack The Skye

Thrice: Vheissu, The Alchemy Index Vols. I & II: Fire & Water

The Decemberists: The Crane Wife

Interpol: Turn On The Bright Lights, Our Love To Admire

The Roots: Game Theory, Phrenology

Between The Buried And Me: Colors

Blur: Blur, 13, Think Tank

Also, I find it immensely amusing that linking to ONE picture of Keeley Hazell can get me so many hits even though I haven’t updated this blog in a while. Check out this list of recent search terms people have used to find my blog…

  • Boobs
  • Baseball boobs
  • Deux alpes boobs
  • Girl boobs
  • Big boobs
  • Nice boobies
  • Boobs thrust
  • Pretty girls with nice boobs
  • Hot boobs fuckin
  • Huge boobs
  • Public boobs
  • DJ girls boobs
  • Boob lady
  • Girl+boobs
  • Boobs hot
  • Keeley Hazell boobs

I’ve learned my lesson well, folks. From now on, EVERY post on this blog will be tagged with labels relating to boobs. Yes, I know it’s a dishonest way to increase traffic to my site. But who knows? Maybe someone who comes here searching for boobs will end up being so impressed by my blog that they’ll forget all about the boobs and read my posts and tell all their friends what a kickass writer I am.

And maybe Keeley Hazell will pay a visit to my apartment some time this weekend because she’s totally turned on by guys who host radio shows and write blogs about music and have been known to take pictures like this of themselves:

Yeah, thats me. This pictures a couple years old, but its still me.

Yeah, that's me. This picture's a couple years old, but it's still me.

Hey, as long as I’m dreaming, I might as well dream big. And it’s a big dream. Big like a nice pair of boobs.